Love, this is... I can relate to this far too well.

Misplaced love, channeled all into money and technical details. Judgement against others, and constant pressure to fit a certain mold, though mine was backed by a grandparent trying to live an idealized life through me, regardless of what I myself wanted.

The tuition bullshit, expensive restaurants, gifts, and yet no real connection. If anything I was mocked and occasionally outright yelled at for being asocial, especially when depression was at the heart of it.

And at the end, the same fears. My blood doesn't know any of the reasons why I refuse contact, and I'm not willing to endure that confrontation. If I ever saw them I think it'd set off a full panic attack, even when I seem easygoing and fully in control of myself.

The way I feel, it's well worth it to be vulnerable, but once you've the choice, important to be wise. If only pain and turmoil await you, find love elsewhere. Don't just happily jump into the pit of spikes. You deserve better, and I can tell by the circles you keep that you're finding better.