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Work on the Brain (Part 3)
Feb. 21st, 2015 09:50 pmAnother update... I'm still not handling this very well, though I'm learning.
I ended up getting home at about 8:45 yesterday. I kind of saw time passing at work, but was working on something that I felt was important enough to justify staying a bit late. We had had another outage due to a major infrastructure failure on Thursday, with a secondary infrastructure failure ongoing, and I tried to stay and get the replacement / backup system into test over the weekend. Why? Well, I don't enjoy having to answer questions from the CIO of the company that owns our company, my boss's boss's boss's boss's boss, etc... It's not my fault the bloody thing isn't here and running yet, but I do seem to be one of only four people at the entire company that are capable of handling this for some reason... </rant>
Anyways...
This week has been really really stressful. It's not been a lot of hours, but a hell of a lot of noise, emergencies, and meetings, all of which don't really go well with an introverted personality. I came back home yesterday so overloaded that I had to just sit in my room in the dark for two hours before I could handle any kind of stimulus at all. Moving, talking to Dakota was too much. Hell, snuggling with my kitty was actually too much input to handle. I was shaken and emotionally wiped.
There is, however, good news on the horizon.
1. I've not gotten any evening calls this week. Actual work hours have trended back towards a normal 40/week for the most part.
2. I made a very important realization yesterday. Occasionally, I just kinda have these realizations pop into my head, and this one was about my motivations and why I seem to care more than a lot of other people.
So let's talk about #2. I think it's because of love. I don't know if I have an excess of it, or if others just can't always touch it in the same way, but it's part of everything I do. I'm a healer, whether it be people, animals, or even electronics. I see things that are broken and I can't help but try to make things better. I've gotten burned by it a few times, because I refuse to stop caring in spite of, well, anything. Despite that though, I think I'm working on burning myself out right now, so I'm going to start managing what energy I have a lot more pro-actively. I know we have emergencies at work, but dealing with them is killing me at home, and that is going to stop. It's going to stop *now*. There are too many other things that matter way more. Work is just so I can have a roof. I need to start treating it that way.
I ended up getting home at about 8:45 yesterday. I kind of saw time passing at work, but was working on something that I felt was important enough to justify staying a bit late. We had had another outage due to a major infrastructure failure on Thursday, with a secondary infrastructure failure ongoing, and I tried to stay and get the replacement / backup system into test over the weekend. Why? Well, I don't enjoy having to answer questions from the CIO of the company that owns our company, my boss's boss's boss's boss's boss, etc... It's not my fault the bloody thing isn't here and running yet, but I do seem to be one of only four people at the entire company that are capable of handling this for some reason... </rant>
Anyways...
This week has been really really stressful. It's not been a lot of hours, but a hell of a lot of noise, emergencies, and meetings, all of which don't really go well with an introverted personality. I came back home yesterday so overloaded that I had to just sit in my room in the dark for two hours before I could handle any kind of stimulus at all. Moving, talking to Dakota was too much. Hell, snuggling with my kitty was actually too much input to handle. I was shaken and emotionally wiped.
There is, however, good news on the horizon.
1. I've not gotten any evening calls this week. Actual work hours have trended back towards a normal 40/week for the most part.
2. I made a very important realization yesterday. Occasionally, I just kinda have these realizations pop into my head, and this one was about my motivations and why I seem to care more than a lot of other people.
So let's talk about #2. I think it's because of love. I don't know if I have an excess of it, or if others just can't always touch it in the same way, but it's part of everything I do. I'm a healer, whether it be people, animals, or even electronics. I see things that are broken and I can't help but try to make things better. I've gotten burned by it a few times, because I refuse to stop caring in spite of, well, anything. Despite that though, I think I'm working on burning myself out right now, so I'm going to start managing what energy I have a lot more pro-actively. I know we have emergencies at work, but dealing with them is killing me at home, and that is going to stop. It's going to stop *now*. There are too many other things that matter way more. Work is just so I can have a roof. I need to start treating it that way.
