Chaos

(Content warning: Depression, some politics, maybe anger? EDIT: Yeah, a *lot* of anger.)

 

I wish I could stay that the start of this year was going smoothly.

 

I kinda wish I could even say it was "Meh."

 

In reality, it's been absolutely fucking terrible. One of our kitties has been on death's door far too many times in the last few months; hidden memories are resurfacing, and it's taking everything I've got to just keep going. It's a heavy weight -- to keep moving forward, day after day.

 

Oh yeah, and the world's apparently gone mad.

 

I had such hope once, and things were genuinely getting better for people all across the world, and especially here. Yeah, some stuff absolutely fucking sucked, from violence against minorities all the way to the archaic and dysfunctional school system that we desperately need to rip apart and rebuild.

 

But we were making progress. People were safer. People were kinder. People worried less about what the future held. We were cleaning up our pollution, and breaking down walls, and even breaking down hearts.

 

And that's changed now.

 

All because of fear.

 

We have an administration that is utterly determined to destroy things, and the damage already hurts my heart. And it's brutal, because I know those affected by almost every one of these things. And because I know what it's like to be a child and to desperately need help and not receive it.

 

Here's the list so far:

 

* Revocation of Title IX transgender student protection guidance.

* Halting intake of all refugees while those programs are restructured.

* Muslim travel ban.

** Swatted down by federal court, luckily, but version 2.0 is due tomorrow.

* H-1B premium visa processing suspension.

** This immediately threatens the livelihoods of thousands and thousands of people.

* Massive immigration crackdowns, sometimes picking up parents after they drop their kids off at school.

* New this week, plans to intentionally separate undocumented children from their families at the border.

* Nationwide (state-level) assaults on abortion access and voting rights.

* Massive attacks against news agencies, calling them "The enemies of the American people"

 

And this is to say *nothing* of the abuses of power in state governments around the country.

 

How you can call yourself a human being and do these things? How can you even call yourself a human being if you don't fight these things? Forgetting even the effects these things are going to have on the adults, can you imagine what this is going to do to the children? This is going to break so many tiny minds, minds who have no capacity to understand why someone would wish them pain. It will ruin their lives to their have parents lose jobs and be deported, to have them disappear shortly after dropping you off at school, to have them ripped away and held in separate facilities, to be stuck in limbo while on travel and unable to return to safety. It will rip the hearts of teenagers from their chests when they are terrified and shaking, when they learn that they are pregnant or beaten for their eyes.

 

We are so terrified of their eyes, their eyes that only ask for hope and compassion. We are terrified of ourselves, and for ourselves, and for others that we care about. And we have to stop this, however we can, and with all the fury we can muster.

 

I swear by all the gods and men and stars now in the sky that on this day when hope was lost I would not let it die.

Bloodstains

The rage within that I now feel

compels me now to write,

to share a vision, bloody red,

of your last desperate night.

 

The rage within that rises strong

that rips throughout my heart,

it sings the song of pain and weight

and rips my mind apart.

 

The anger, despair, knife's edge deep

lodged deep within my heart

compels me now to put pen to

this most accursed art.

 

For I now write to share my pain

to spread my hate and rage

to shatter walls and countries vast

with bloody, ruined page.

 

And so I say, to you who chose

to you who chose this path

to you who hatred chose and mocked

you will now feel my wrath.

 

And when these words are done at last

you will not then survive

the blasted hulk of your rent bones

will shatter and divide.

 

For now I summon wrath and hate

to make my message clear;

I summon futures now destroyed

and children, raised in fear.

 

I summon furies of the storm

and monsters dwelling deep

and now I sick them all on you

to haunt your broken sleep.

 

I summon demons, horned and black

to scar your heart as mine

until you shake and scream and cry

and drown yourself in brine.

 

I summon children who you've killed,

or who you've forced to live

abandoned, bereft, starving husks

whom nothing would you give.

 

I summon your own futures now

and those of your own sons

of darkened dreams and lost last hopes

that you've at last undone.

 

I summon those who you have pushed

beyond their mortal coil

those who you chose to hurt yet more

and in whose name I toil.

 

You have no future, shining fast,

atop this slope of blood,

for nothing you have built will last

I summon now the flood.

 

The fear you feel, the rage you hate

that pierces deep inside

I look straight, deep into your eyes

and now the flames arise.

 

In front of you the flames reveal

the destruction of lives,

the children, listless, learned not,

your symphony of lies.

 

I sear your eyes with those you've killed,

with what you have have now wrought,

the hearts you've torn and ripped with glee

and those you've left to rot.

 

I compel you to hold my gaze,

the fire in my eyes

a window into deepest pain

reflected in your skies.

 

I slaughter you with your own mind;

it terror's truest form,

a demon, dark and glistening

a screaming, tearing swarm.

 

A future, black, I show you now

with torn and blackened skies

with storms unending and at last

your own children's death cries.

 

And when you see what future holds

what hearts you have destroyed

and when you see your blood so cold

your soul will be devoid.

 

I show you their hearts full of pain

at what you have now done

and I commend you now to death.

Begone, you foul one.