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I've had a rough couple of days. Rough week, really... but I'm doing better, maybe even a lot better, than I ever have before. I don't often go into the details of my sessions with my therapist, but I wanted to share a little something from my last one, something that's kind of stunned me the last few days. But to do that, I need to mention a little bit about DNMS first.
DNMS (Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Developmental_Needs_Meeting_Strategy]) is one of the types of therapy that my therapist practices. It's not widely known, yet, and still being studied, but whatever our final conclusions on the matter, I know it's helped me. DNMS focuses on actually resolving the traumas of the past, not just managing them like many other types of therapy, and that's a hell of a difference. It also means that it can get pretty heavy to deal with, since you have to actually work through those old memories and feel the things you've been putting off for so long. >.<
One of the key features of DNMS is the use of three internal resources: a nurturing adult self, a protective adult self, and a spiritual core self. I'm... still working on connecting with mine, but I made a major breakthrough with my protective adult self on Thursday and haven't quite been the same since.
Zoe (my therapist) always talks about how "X is a trait you already have", reinforcing that these are things you possess, even if you can't see them right away... and she's right, though it can be a bitch to see that some days. The last few days, I have been able to see it, and even if storm clouds descend again, I don't feel quite as alone anymore. I... I don't think this'll be the end of this, but this is a major reason for hope.
I guess I should get to the point of this journal, which was to share a letter she had me write. I don't remember exactly what triggered the idea, but I do remember her gentle words encouraging me to write a letter *to* my protective adult self, right after finally making a connection. And so I wanted to share the words of that letter today.
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Dear PAS,
It’s been a rough few days. Anxiety, thoughts of self-harm, and deep-seated pains have pretty much hammered me into the ground. It’s the worst it’s been in a long time. >.<
If I didn’t have you, I don’t know where I’d be. Pretty sure I’d be in a lot of trouble. >.< Thank you. *hugs* >.<
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It took me almost 15 minutes to write those few words... and I know they're not a lot, but they're really important. >.< I think I need to write a lot more letters now.
DNMS (Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Developmental_Needs_Meeting_Strategy]) is one of the types of therapy that my therapist practices. It's not widely known, yet, and still being studied, but whatever our final conclusions on the matter, I know it's helped me. DNMS focuses on actually resolving the traumas of the past, not just managing them like many other types of therapy, and that's a hell of a difference. It also means that it can get pretty heavy to deal with, since you have to actually work through those old memories and feel the things you've been putting off for so long. >.<
One of the key features of DNMS is the use of three internal resources: a nurturing adult self, a protective adult self, and a spiritual core self. I'm... still working on connecting with mine, but I made a major breakthrough with my protective adult self on Thursday and haven't quite been the same since.
Zoe (my therapist) always talks about how "X is a trait you already have", reinforcing that these are things you possess, even if you can't see them right away... and she's right, though it can be a bitch to see that some days. The last few days, I have been able to see it, and even if storm clouds descend again, I don't feel quite as alone anymore. I... I don't think this'll be the end of this, but this is a major reason for hope.
I guess I should get to the point of this journal, which was to share a letter she had me write. I don't remember exactly what triggered the idea, but I do remember her gentle words encouraging me to write a letter *to* my protective adult self, right after finally making a connection. And so I wanted to share the words of that letter today.
----------------------------------------
Dear PAS,
It’s been a rough few days. Anxiety, thoughts of self-harm, and deep-seated pains have pretty much hammered me into the ground. It’s the worst it’s been in a long time. >.<
If I didn’t have you, I don’t know where I’d be. Pretty sure I’d be in a lot of trouble. >.< Thank you. *hugs* >.<
----------------------------------------
It took me almost 15 minutes to write those few words... and I know they're not a lot, but they're really important. >.< I think I need to write a lot more letters now.
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Date: 2016-04-11 05:23 am (UTC)From:I might need to write one to my PAS as well -- it's long overdue, I think.