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Zeta's Stories: My Friend Lon
Dec. 31st, 2023 04:38 pmSo I have a friend, who I love more than life itself. (I in fact have many friends like this, probably including you!) His name is Lon.
Lon is /special/. He is hysterical, and smart, and funny, and more than a little cute, but that last bit is outside of the range of our story! What is relevant is that he's absolutely, hysterically, and totally, insane!
You see, I met Lon when he was a live-in dorm tutor at my college, two years ahead of me. He helped folks out most nights (maybe every night), and could be commonly found in a large room in the basement with many many whiteboards, built specifically for this purpose.
Now, whiteboards have a common problem, and I'm sure you've all experienced this before. It goes like this:
1. Walk up to whiteboard.
2. There's no marker!
3. Oh there's one!
4. Oh no, that's dead too. Damn!
Lon, obviously sick of this like the rest of us, hits upon a solution only Lon could think of. He proceeds to buy a huge marker set in all the colors of the rainbow, and then goes to Walmart, one of the only real stores in downstate Indiana, and buys a shotgun shell bandolier! He proceeds to insert said markers into said bandolier and proceeds to wear it, using markers at will and making life much easier! (This is honestly genius???)
However, this is not the /end/ of the story! Later that year Lon was interviewing at $defense_contractor (a place I would later work, and which features in several of my other stories)... $defense_contractor is a somewhat small business (~100 employees at the time) and the CEO personally interviews every potential hire, diagramming for them the company structure and who they'd be reporting to. (Can you see where this is going? I can!) CEO proceeds to walk up to the whiteboard, and, shockingly, there's no marker! Lon opens his suit jacket, with a huge dumb smile on his face, and goes "What color would you like?"
I... I have tears of laughter crying out right now, even after telling this story 1000 times by now!
And /even better/, Lon told me this story at work, in front of another co-worker. Said co-worker had been working at $defense_contractor at the time of this now infamous event and immediately blurted out, "Wait, we /hired/ you!?!?!?!" XD
God, I love this man! XD
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Addendum: Lon is also awesome in general and would regularly do things like bring italian ice to the office, have an entire floor-standing popcorn machine inside his office, etc... I don't know what to do with this man, but I love him dearly. XD
Lon is /special/. He is hysterical, and smart, and funny, and more than a little cute, but that last bit is outside of the range of our story! What is relevant is that he's absolutely, hysterically, and totally, insane!
You see, I met Lon when he was a live-in dorm tutor at my college, two years ahead of me. He helped folks out most nights (maybe every night), and could be commonly found in a large room in the basement with many many whiteboards, built specifically for this purpose.
Now, whiteboards have a common problem, and I'm sure you've all experienced this before. It goes like this:
1. Walk up to whiteboard.
2. There's no marker!
3. Oh there's one!
4. Oh no, that's dead too. Damn!
Lon, obviously sick of this like the rest of us, hits upon a solution only Lon could think of. He proceeds to buy a huge marker set in all the colors of the rainbow, and then goes to Walmart, one of the only real stores in downstate Indiana, and buys a shotgun shell bandolier! He proceeds to insert said markers into said bandolier and proceeds to wear it, using markers at will and making life much easier! (This is honestly genius???)
However, this is not the /end/ of the story! Later that year Lon was interviewing at $defense_contractor (a place I would later work, and which features in several of my other stories)... $defense_contractor is a somewhat small business (~100 employees at the time) and the CEO personally interviews every potential hire, diagramming for them the company structure and who they'd be reporting to. (Can you see where this is going? I can!) CEO proceeds to walk up to the whiteboard, and, shockingly, there's no marker! Lon opens his suit jacket, with a huge dumb smile on his face, and goes "What color would you like?"
I... I have tears of laughter crying out right now, even after telling this story 1000 times by now!
And /even better/, Lon told me this story at work, in front of another co-worker. Said co-worker had been working at $defense_contractor at the time of this now infamous event and immediately blurted out, "Wait, we /hired/ you!?!?!?!" XD
God, I love this man! XD
----------------------------------------
Addendum: Lon is also awesome in general and would regularly do things like bring italian ice to the office, have an entire floor-standing popcorn machine inside his office, etc... I don't know what to do with this man, but I love him dearly. XD
